Just watched Friends with Kids. Jon Hamm was a major asshole, but he said an interesting thing. You marry someone who you want to be with even through the worst of it all. Even when shit is bad, you still want to be around each other. Like if you haven’t experienced something really terrible and raw with the person who might be ‘The One’, you’re just not going to make it.
It seems like so many people keep negative things out of their relationship to keep it all happy and positive; that’s fun and all but you don’t really connect, or have anything to look back on. You haven’t overcome anything together.
I’ve overcome. We have. It makes me tear up every time I think about what I did and what we went through. There was so much pain, but even when I was hurting and he was mad at me I still wanted to be around him. It was like I’d rather be with him, arguing/talking things out than anywhere with anyone else.
I love him so much. Just thinking about my life without him, even at both of our worst, is so physically and emotionally painful.
He’s my soulmate.
I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.
Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.
Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.
Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.
You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.
Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.